Discipline

So … i’m in this constant struggle with myself to become better … every night i decide i wanna quit smoking … everyday i decide i wanna exercise more … and everyday i do nothing from what i’ve decided. I took up swimming for two weeks … then as usual … quit. I quit smoking for 5 days … and as usual i just returned to the habit as strongly as ever …
How come it’s so easy to keep the bad habits up, and difficult to keep the good ones. How come we don’t mind going through whatever difficulty it is that we have to go through for the sake of bad habits … while refraining from exerting the smallest of efforts for the sake of something good?
Am I rightfully generalizing or is it just my case?

Anyways .. as usual, i decided i wanted to quit last night … so far i haven’t had cigarettes today but then again i didn’t go out yet… I also decided to get on the treadmill for a change (oh did i ever mention the lazy me has a treadmill in the house?) … i put on some music, Nine Inch Nails new album that Gadfri generously sent me, and off i went. 4 tracks into the album i just found me being described … so i put the track on repeat for the 40 minutes i walked on the treadmill … i also have to recommend it for anyone on a treadmill, it’s tempo is really fun to match … and i didn’t end up listening to anything else from the album … yet

so ladies and gents … i recommend to you my song for the day and it’s called “Discipline” by Nine Inch Nails, from their album “The Slip”

oh you can get it from here btw: http://www.zshare.net/audio/12352370cbbf3215/

and if u wanna receive my periodic songs of the day or share yours, you can still join me on my music group at: http://launch.groups.yahoo.com/group/haijekov_sotd/

Wish you all the strength to get rid of your bad habits … and to sustain your good ones …

kov

Coincidence or Extreme Activity from the Subconscious??

So i sent this song on my group yesterday … and then had this encounter with my X finally … and i just couldn’t be but straight forward and direct to the extent of what a friend of mine later described as mean. I’m sorry i just didn’t wanna go make up lies on how i’m okay and can be friends and all that crap … cause that person fucked me up so bad and she doesn’t even deserve to be my friend??

Listening to the song i’ve been listening to since yesterday i discovered it’s retelling the whole scene!!! was it a coincidence or is my subconscious that strong?? anyways … i’m still in a complete state of shock

why the hell aren’t there any decent vidz for the songs i like these days?? :@

anyways … i’ll just have to settle for that until i figure out how to upload the songs nafsohom instead of using youtube

Exit Music

Wake… from your sleep
The drying of your tears
Today.. we escape
We escape.

Pack and get dressed
Before your father hears us
Before.. all hell.. breaks loose.

Breathe… keep breathing
Don’t lose.. your nerve.
Breathe… keep breathing
I can’t do this.. alone.

Sing us a song
A song to keep us warm
There’s such a chill
Such a chill.

You can laugh
A spineless laugh
We hope that your rules and wisdom choke you
Now we are one
In everlasting peace

We hope that you choke.. that you choke
We hope that you choke.. that you choke
We hope that you choke.. that you choke

this is 4 you baby/sweetie

this song is for you:

http://www.zshare.net/audio/11288130c3fafd56/

i initially wrote a bit of a long post but i don’t think i have the guts to actually click publish … think this page is kinda losing its purpose

“Somewhere beyond happiness and sadness
I need to calculate … what creates my own madness
And i’m addicted to your punishment
Cause you’re the master
And I am craving this disaster

I Feel Irrational … So confrontational
To tell the truth Again
I’m getting away with murder
It isn’t possible … to never tell the truth
Cause the reality’s i’m getting away with murder

I drink my drink and i don’t even want to
i think my thoughts when i don’t even need to
I don’t look back because i don’t even want to
and i don’t need to
because i’m getting away with murder

I feel Irrational … so Confrontational
To tell the truth again
I’m getting away with murder
now is it possible … to never tell the truth?
cause the reality is i’m getting away with murder”

Excerpt from Paparoach’s track with reaaaally minor adjustments by yours truly

Something I Can never Have (Still)

I can now say that I have entered into a new obsession … and it’s called Nine Inch Nails & Trent Reznor

feel like crying it out

Should I call you
Should I reach out?
It feels like chasing shadows in the night
Yeah let me in
Because I’m out
I know that I am someone
No one said I was … No one said I was

Thrown Away ~ VAST

On Music

One thing you should know about me, is that i’m pretty much affected by music… I don’t mind most types of music but i prefer things that are actually played with instruments … no trance, techno, rave and all this blablabla … rock is just about the thing for me … good music … good lyrics … that’s the best thing one could ask for… I don’t mind some electronica or industrial stuff as long as it does have some talent put into it … Nine Inch Nails and Massive Attack are among my all time favorite bands.

I won’t pretend to focus on a track from head to tail the first time i hear it with all the musical analysis like all other music freaks, I won’t pretend to be the picky music freak either, the kind that disses anything new cause they’re insanely hooked on some old legend (and GOD i know lots of those)… the first thing that makes me get hooked on a track is just a little part of it that makes me shiver, makes me feel goosebumps … if the song manages to get me there then it’s on my list for a considerably good amount of time… might never even get out … now if i later discover some good lyrics on that (usually that happens just about the time i can regain control after the goosebumps), then this track is SURELY never to get off my favorites’ list… from experience i can go on listening to those for years and years … even if i get off them for a while, i’ll remember them later and it’s as if it’s the first time i ever listen to them … with that great feeling still intact.

By good lyrics, i mean GOOD lyrics, ya salaam kamaan if it’s talking about something i’m going through … sometimes i just feel like music completes me and my emotions somehow… I write alot .. especially lately, but i still know i’m not very skilled when it comes to writing or expressing myself … i just am often never able to let it all out… so i’m really appreciative when i find a track that says something i wanna say … polished with some great wording and metaphors … accompanied with some great music … what more could i ever ask for??? seriously sometimes i find myself crying in the middle of a song for no apparent reason … NONE … and even in the same part every single time … Suzanne Vega’s Songs in Red and Grey is one of the biggest examples of that, the part where she hums with the piano playing… GOD THE GOOSEBUMPS ARE KILLING ME JUST BY THE MEMORY OF IT….

Anyways … another very good example of such a track is the one i’m listening to right now … erm … and throughout the whole day (A) …
At first it was the intro … i liked the way it was built up BIGTIME!!! … then the guitars strike in … and i thought “NIIIICE” … i like!!! … i kept repeating it over and over and was really in love with it … at first i didn’t focus that much on the lyrics, (after all that’s not always easy when u’re driving through the Cairo traffic) … and then came this time i was waiting under one of my friend’s place for him to drag his @$$ down … and then it started playing … and i listened to everything the guy was saying … and for some reason i got the ultimate two side-effects; goosebumps and tears… and it’s been on my fav list ever since.

I’m Weird … Sue Me …

Enjoying yet another thing u just pass by and leave unnoticed

so much for studying

Listening To: VAST ~ Thrown Away (http://www.zshare.net/audio/9846943c04328f/)
u’ll have to make do with the link till i learn how to include it as an item here :$

packt like sardines in a crushed tin can

So today i woke up early in the morning … and suddenly calls with my name started stampeding around the house… i’m still not awake and numb and everyone wants something … I totally ignore them and am thinking of something/someone else (still can’t decide if it’s the thing or the one) … it’s most probably a mixture of both.

She’s online for some reason today … and she has a quote from my favorite movie … hasn’t she taken away enough??? … my favorite band as her mobile ringtone … my favorite places are infested with bad memories of her but now … even my favorite movie??!!

suddenly a familiar sound starts playing in my head … only calm sounds, close to being music … i’m sure i heard it somewhere before … and then came the voice … “After years of waiting …. nothing changed” … Damn i haven’t heard this track for over a year … and it totally makes sense … whether it’s dedicated to her, or to all those nags in my head … or even to myself when i’m bringing myself down (i’m totally this self destructive today) …

“I’m a reasonable man … get off .. get off .. get off my case … “

i started playing it extensively … then suddenly a conversation window popped up … “could u possibly send me this song?? … i haven’t heard it in ages … ” … Shit so now you have to take yet another good moment away from me???

some of you might wonder why i don’t just block the person … well it’s more complicated than that … as my life is just a mess of complications, my ex is actually a prominent member of the big group constituting my best friends .. my inner circle … and i don’t think i should act as if i care that much to block or make any visibly hostile move … politics …

so anyways … i’m a reasonable man get off … get off … get off my case … get off my case …

COMING UNDONE!!!!

this song has been haunting me all freakin week … i’m all addicted!!!! sent it out to my music group last week … and still not over it till now!!
Ladies and gents … I give you Korn’s Coming Undone:

Korn ~ Coming Undone

Keep holdin’ on when
My brain’s tickin’ like a bomb
Guess the black thoughts have
Come again to get me
Sweet bitter words
Unlike nothing I have heard
Sing along mocking bird
You don’t affect me

That’s right
Deliver it to my heart
Please strike
Be deliberate

Wait
I’m coming undone
Irate
I’m coming undone
Too late
I’m coming undone
What looks so strong so delicate
Wait
I’m starting to suffocate
And soon I anticipate
I’m coming undone
What looks so strong so delicate

Choke, choke again
I thought, my demons were my friends
Getting me in the end
They’re out to get me
Since I was young
I tasted sorrow on my tongue
And the sweet sugar gun
Does not protect me

That’s right
Trigger between my eyes
Please strike
Make it quick now

Wait
I’m coming undone
Irate
I’m coming undone
Too late
I’m coming undone
What looks so strong so delicate
Wait
I’m starting to suffocate
And soon I anticipate
I’m coming undone
What looks so strong so delicate

I’m
Trying to hold it together
Head is lighter than a feather
Looks like I’m not getting better
Not getting better

Wait
I’m coming undone
Irate
I’m coming undone
Too late
I’m coming undone
What looks so strong so delicate
Wait
I’m starting to suffocate
And soon I anticipate
I’m coming undone
What looks so strong so delicate.