KOV has decided his journey here is done! He will be headed back to his old outlet. It was quite a journey … i think!

S & Y

I’m not being sexist … and i’m not being biased towards my own gender … but seriously now:

SELFISHNESS IS A MAJOR INGREDIENT GENE IN THE X-CHROMOSOME … WE’VE GOT IT ALRIGHT … BUT U LADIES HAVE DOUBLE THE DOSAGE (sometimes triple if one ex was correct).

May conclusions

May is finally over. And it sure was the weirdest and most educational month as far as my memory can go. From this month i can finally conclude the following

• if it takes you years to create a picture about something … seeing it differently for a month doesn’t make it different. Members of the same species cannot be that different, all dogs bark, and all snakes bite.
• if u’ve ever made a mistake of allowing yourself to be taken for granted, then doing that again would be extremely stupid
• people can always pretend to understand and empathize, but it can never be true cause they were never in your shoes, and they were never you
• it’s normal to have fears and insecurities, take your time with them, and don’t rush things no matter how others may push you for their own benefit. They wouldn’t if they understand anyways
• your intentions are totally yours, no one can make an intention on your behalf and make it yours.
• el baab elly ygeelak menno el ree7 seddo westaree7
• feeling is important … security is even more important. So careful as feelings might be deceptive in their consequence.
• your mind also exists remember???

kefaaya keda … i’m going to sleep … my night was really not worth it and have alot of studying to do tomorrow.

feeling: Stupid & Angry
Music: Oasis ~ Where Did It All Go Wrong (Accoustic)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY 2 MY FAVORITE BLOGGER

It’s now midnight and the start of a new month, a start of a very special day, the birthday of a really beautiful person, a person who’s brought a lot of meaning to everyone around through her blog, which has been my favorite to read for the past few months.

I’ve also been privileged by chatting with this beautiful soul and she proved to me time after time, that she’s not just a great writer, but also a great human being who you’d be blessed to have around you even distantly!

i don’t know what else to say about you Insomniac, and I wish you the happiest birthday ever, one that would be totally extraordinary

Kov

Hayel once again

so my too good to be true camera dream got a little shaky .. the too good to be true offer i found was indeed too good to be true and the retailer turned out to be a great scam artist … and luckily that little fact was discovered seconds before the ‘purchase’ button was pressed!

so now i’m paying an extra 150$ for my D80 from a more trusted dealer… and it won’t probably ship in time for it to be wth me in  a week … so i’m probably gonna wait till late july.

oh .. and if anyone is intending to use a retailer called “broadway photo”, or any other dealer on that matter, please check the dealer’s ratings and reputation online first.

feeling: extremely disappointed
listening to: radiohead’s complete discography

DISCLAIMER!!!!

I Feel This!!!! and I’m happy …

okeeee

KOV has cleared out every cent he has and is finally getting a camera and now i’ll be a beggar u see in the traffic lights trying to take u a nice picture to take money

hehe i’m so excited

massive attack ~ false flags

awesome track … really gets me high on music

abstract mess in the head&heart

so i’m used to questioning myself and everything i do and think of … especially in times like right now before i sleep …

am i really moving on?? or am i pretending to be?
cause seriously now, there’s no reason for me not to any more, i’ve got all the conviction in the world. So why am i asking this? because it’s the only thing i can blame for whatever it is that i’m doing … however scared i am of feeling anything for anyone … yes i am talking about my ex and my emotional life if u’re not catching up.
was it a sign that i was just talking about this this morning? was it a sign that this episode i watched of one tree hill was talking about this particular issue (yes i watch this sappy drama so get over it) … the thing is it makes perfect sense… people just have to let go of all this darkness to move on, the shit’s gonna remain there whether we want it or not, the people who did us wrong won’t go away by our feeling bad, it’s the people that love us that we let down, and it’s the people we love who we do wrong… it’s all just a cycle of self pity and denial … and for that, i might be guilty as charged. still, i’m just too scared that my feelings would be induced by my circumstance and not my loving emotions, after all i’m just human, i just came out of a 4 year long hell of a relationship, and i’m in desperate need to love and feel loved, whether to satisfy my human instinct or to refill what’s been drained out of me for the past years of my life. And THAT, makes me fear doing anything stupid, i’m afraid being on the other side of the wrongdoing …. but at the same time, maybe all this fear is creating yet another illusion in my head! is there a safe way i could find out? should i just be patient and not be impulsive or would that be letting everything slip through my hands? should i act upon how i feel or would that be too irrational and soon?? should i go by my famous “There’s only one way to find out!” or would that be too selfish??!

i’m scared of taking risks, especially if i know i wouldn’t be the one handling most of their consequences if i turn out to be wrong.

now for the more practical part, is it right to just act upon what you feel without putting any of the usual life practicalities in mind? do fairy tales exist? akeed there is always a part of this and a part of that, but where the fuck is the threshold afterwhich it’s a definite no go? is forever that important? is now more important or later?

let me rephrase, you find a person you really wanna make happy, and you know they can make you happy too … but the option of forever is not really that clear, more honestly, it’s a long shot … is that enough to go for it, or would i be acting just upon sheer excitement due to my currently new state of mind?

i feel like a 14 year old all over again … i don’t know if i should love or hate it. am i being too immature … should i just grow up? what the hell is a grownup?

ugh the questions are getting endless… i’m hitting the bed…

MY WORLD

So today i received a track that got me really nostalgic and reminded me of 3 Doors Down … it also reminded me of my favorite all time track by them and i can’t stop listening to it since … and now i can’t wait for exams to be over for me to get back to the studio and play it!!!!

guys … i give you 3 Doors Down’s My World …

Your stuck on a chain
And your toeing a lie
Seems like everytime that you catch up
You only fall behind

And your trapped inside this world you made yourself
but that’s not the world I live in
this is not the life for me
cause my world is bigger than your problems
and it’s bigger than me
that’s not the world I live in
this is not the life for me
cause my world is bigger than your problems
and it’s bigger than me

There is always someone to blame
for the things you do yourself
you think that everything that’s going wrong
is because of someone else

And your trapped inside this world you made yourself
that’s not the world I live in
this is not the life for me
cause my world is bigger than your problems
and it’s bigger than me
it’s not the world I live in
this is not the life for me
cause my world is bigger than your problems
and it’s bigger than me [2x]

cause i’m lonely outside and i’ll look on in

And that’s not the world I live in
this is not the life for me
cause my world is bigger than your problems
and it’s bigger than me
it’s not the world I live in
this is not the life for me
cause my world is bigger than your problems
and it’s bigger than me
cause my world is bigger than your problems
and it’s bigger than me…

sorry the connection where i am is not that good for an upload so u’ll have to get it yourself