Archive for the ‘Illusions’ Category


Exit Music

April 30, 2008

Wake… from your sleep
The drying of your tears
Today.. we escape
We escape.

Pack and get dressed
Before your father hears us
Before.. all hell.. breaks loose.

Breathe… keep breathing
Don’t lose.. your nerve.
Breathe… keep breathing
I can’t do this.. alone.

Sing us a song
A song to keep us warm
There’s such a chill
Such a chill.

You can laugh
A spineless laugh
We hope that your rules and wisdom choke you
Now we are one
In everlasting peace

We hope that you choke.. that you choke
We hope that you choke.. that you choke
We hope that you choke.. that you choke


Natural Blues

April 18, 2008

His favorite time of day has become the early hour of dawn … when the sky is just starting to turn into that really dark purplish navy blue. He looks at it, thinking this is the darkest blue he’s ever seen, it feels dark too … exactly like he feels inside.
Could it be true, that nature can express our own feelings for us? Can our thoughts and emotions be so strong they move out and consume the world around us? Can the universe and mother nature relate?? or is he just too desperate for the feeling? In all cases, he just feels one with the sky for now.

Really dark blue, he bets noone on the street can even notice it’s starting to gain color. He looks deeper, and there are even thing in there, little clouds they seem. Little black clouds of no defined shape, disturbing the uniformity of the blue around them, spoiling it, he can’t stand their shape, or how they move, and maybe what they stand for. And they’re increasing in numbers, this ultimate chaos in the sky is totally ruining it for him. Rather than enjoying the colors of nature, he’s searching for patches of this perfect dark blue amidst the darker clouds, the patches that he relates to … the patches that relate to him … the patches he can feel.

He gives up, they’re gone … they’re all gone … and this anarchy in the sky has taken over. He feels a little cold drop falling down his cheek. Is that a tear? it must be the cold breeze, his eyes has always been sensitive to extreme weather changes. Is he really like that? Is this the way he looks on the inside?

He looks up again, the blue just got bluer, and the black is taking blue tints itself, the clouds’ shapes more smooth and eyefriendly now as they take up the color that touched his soul minutes before. When the hell did it brighten up like that. He kept staring into the same point in the distance for the whole hour, while it’s slowly getting lighter and brighter, “i’m not blinking” but neither was the sky. he wants to see it, to notice its changing of colour while it’s happening … it’s changing infront of him but he just can’t see it … his eyes hurt, his tears are coming down stronger now… every few minutes he realizes it has changed ,,, he has been staring at it all along but couldn’t notice it changing … but it changed. i wanna catch the transient, is there one at all ….

Time goes on and he notices it’s now day. It IS blue, the shade everyone knows … not interesting anymore. But something within feels brighter … as if it brightened up with the brightening of the sky … slowly in unnoticeable steps … u just notice it’s there but can’t trace it coming … he wipes his tears off his face, takes a deep breath off the cool breeze outside … heads to bed … hoping he could still be that bright on the inside when he wakes up …

but it wasn’t to be.


Music: Cold ~ No One


thank you Tyler, Chris

April 11, 2008

“On a long enough time line, everyone’s survival rate drops to Zero”

he read that line and heard that line a lot, whether in his favorite movie, or its book. It just doesn’t stop, his obsession with this little piece of fiction … same goes for the line … it’s playing constantly in his head … he even sees it scrolling across when he closes his eyes.

It’s late at night, roads are all empty and clear. He’s cruising on his favorite bridge flying above the old part of the city, “Where do i go to fall from grace? God Put A Smile Upon My Face …” says his car stereo. When was the last time he heard this track … the guitar sounds, the monotonous drum beats … all of it seams to enjoyable right now. the bridge ends and the strong smell of spices from the shops in the area takes over his senses … this is the best part of the ride, the part he enjoys the most … something about the feeling he gets on this bridge, the smell at the end of it … just makes him feel alive.

“your guess is as good as mine”

“on a long enough time line … everyone’s survival rate drops to zero”

suddenly all the memories of the long fruitless hours in front of his computer trying to accomplish anything in his project just fade away … and the song strikes again … he’s now on the main road heading back to his part of town … an insane feeling gets over him … lower gear, pedal to the metal … “god put a smile upon your face” … and it just doesn’t leave his face … how much he misses his cars acceleration 🙂 … 110bhp from a 1800cc engine propelling this 600Kgm baby all the way to 140 in no time … the track ends and starts again … “where do we go … nobody knows …” … on a long enough timeline everyone’s survival rate drops to zero.

what if this time line shrinks?? what if there’s no time left??

He gets into an intersection … he could see the old red Peugeot504 speeding and coming in from his right … it’s headlights flashing into his eyes … he closes his eyes…

he feels every little piece of metal colliding with the other … the squeaking shivering him to the bones … his head is spinning … the noise is just too loud … something about this is just too freakin enjoyable … “GOD PUT A SMILE UPON YOUR FACE …. OH YEAH!!!” … on a long enough time line everyone’s survival rate drops to zero …
Amongst all the spinning … suddenly the noise switches off … and just Chris Martin’s voice streams in … “it’s as good as miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine” … and he’s smiling like crazy …

a loud horn startles him … he opens his eyes … and rear bumper of the Peugeot swooshes right in front of his … the reflection of his headlights on its metal blinds him for a second… he looks around to find himself alone in an empty intersection at a total halt …

puts in the first gear, and drives away …



March 9, 2008

Fresh! To him that’s a feeling. A feeling he hasn’t felt for a while. A feeling he can’t even remember the last time he experienced. He has all sort of means to get to the point where he actually feels it but it’s just not working out.
To him it’s a mixture of being cold all over, in an enjoyable way. Ever imagined sky diving nude?? the wind just enveloping you all around, the fresh cold air striking every single point of your body … till you finally become the wind, the air … or they become you.

He drives fast and helmet less on his motorcycle, the wind blowing through his hair. Its starting to hit him, that cool freshness, he can feel it in his head … but it doesn’t get past there. He wants to feel it in his heart … in his lungs … on the inside. But it just doesn’t get there. The inside is always dark, it’s never at ease … the last thing that could ever describe it is “Fresh”.

He speeds faster and faster … the wind blows hard into his face … into his hair … he opens his mouth to scream, but he doesn’t. He has just found another place for the air to hit, and he just enjoys it as it hits the back of his throat. He doesn’t know if it’s the wind or his joy that’s making his eyes tear. For once he could forget how he feels inside, for once he can forget how he’s suffering through college. just for once, he can forget his debts, hopes, fears, worries, burdens, ex-girlfriend, his guilt, and every memory of every mistake he made.

He closes his eyes, with this feeling of mere satisfaction the grin just doesn’t leave his face … he feels a strong thud from beneath him… and the whole world starts spinning in the weirdest of directions. Instead of panic, the only thought in his head is how nice it is to feel totally out of control … so small … so weak … so helpless. When will this stop??!! He sure doesn’t know. He can’t feel a thing any more … he closes his eyes again … he pictures himself on his bike just a minute ago … his smiling face with the wind blowing through his long hair… another thud … complete silence … it all fades to black.

Long wanted moments of joy are too delicate …