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DISCLAIMER!!!!

May 26, 2008

I Feel This!!!! and I’m happy …

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okeeee

May 26, 2008

KOV has cleared out every cent he has and is finally getting a camera 😀 and now i’ll be a beggar u see in the traffic lights trying to take u a nice picture to take money 😀

hehe i’m so excited 🙂

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massive attack ~ false flags

May 24, 2008

awesome track … really gets me high on music

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abstract mess in the head&heart

May 23, 2008

so i’m used to questioning myself and everything i do and think of … especially in times like right now before i sleep …

am i really moving on?? or am i pretending to be?
cause seriously now, there’s no reason for me not to any more, i’ve got all the conviction in the world. So why am i asking this? because it’s the only thing i can blame for whatever it is that i’m doing … however scared i am of feeling anything for anyone … yes i am talking about my ex and my emotional life if u’re not catching up.
was it a sign that i was just talking about this this morning? was it a sign that this episode i watched of one tree hill was talking about this particular issue (yes i watch this sappy drama so get over it) … the thing is it makes perfect sense… people just have to let go of all this darkness to move on, the shit’s gonna remain there whether we want it or not, the people who did us wrong won’t go away by our feeling bad, it’s the people that love us that we let down, and it’s the people we love who we do wrong… it’s all just a cycle of self pity and denial … and for that, i might be guilty as charged. still, i’m just too scared that my feelings would be induced by my circumstance and not my loving emotions, after all i’m just human, i just came out of a 4 year long hell of a relationship, and i’m in desperate need to love and feel loved, whether to satisfy my human instinct or to refill what’s been drained out of me for the past years of my life. And THAT, makes me fear doing anything stupid, i’m afraid being on the other side of the wrongdoing …. but at the same time, maybe all this fear is creating yet another illusion in my head! is there a safe way i could find out? should i just be patient and not be impulsive or would that be letting everything slip through my hands? should i act upon how i feel or would that be too irrational and soon?? should i go by my famous “There’s only one way to find out!” or would that be too selfish??!

i’m scared of taking risks, especially if i know i wouldn’t be the one handling most of their consequences if i turn out to be wrong.

now for the more practical part, is it right to just act upon what you feel without putting any of the usual life practicalities in mind? do fairy tales exist? akeed there is always a part of this and a part of that, but where the fuck is the threshold afterwhich it’s a definite no go? is forever that important? is now more important or later?

let me rephrase, you find a person you really wanna make happy, and you know they can make you happy too … but the option of forever is not really that clear, more honestly, it’s a long shot … is that enough to go for it, or would i be acting just upon sheer excitement due to my currently new state of mind?

i feel like a 14 year old all over again … i don’t know if i should love or hate it. am i being too immature … should i just grow up? what the hell is a grownup?

ugh the questions are getting endless… i’m hitting the bed…

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MY WORLD

May 21, 2008

So today i received a track that got me really nostalgic and reminded me of 3 Doors Down … it also reminded me of my favorite all time track by them and i can’t stop listening to it since … and now i can’t wait for exams to be over for me to get back to the studio and play it!!!!

guys … i give you 3 Doors Down’s My World …

Your stuck on a chain
And your toeing a lie
Seems like everytime that you catch up
You only fall behind

And your trapped inside this world you made yourself
but that’s not the world I live in
this is not the life for me
cause my world is bigger than your problems
and it’s bigger than me
that’s not the world I live in
this is not the life for me
cause my world is bigger than your problems
and it’s bigger than me

There is always someone to blame
for the things you do yourself
you think that everything that’s going wrong
is because of someone else

And your trapped inside this world you made yourself
that’s not the world I live in
this is not the life for me
cause my world is bigger than your problems
and it’s bigger than me
it’s not the world I live in
this is not the life for me
cause my world is bigger than your problems
and it’s bigger than me [2x]

cause i’m lonely outside and i’ll look on in

And that’s not the world I live in
this is not the life for me
cause my world is bigger than your problems
and it’s bigger than me
it’s not the world I live in
this is not the life for me
cause my world is bigger than your problems
and it’s bigger than me
cause my world is bigger than your problems
and it’s bigger than me…

sorry the connection where i am is not that good for an upload so u’ll have to get it yourself 😦

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Discipline

May 21, 2008

So … i’m in this constant struggle with myself to become better … every night i decide i wanna quit smoking … everyday i decide i wanna exercise more … and everyday i do nothing from what i’ve decided. I took up swimming for two weeks … then as usual … quit. I quit smoking for 5 days … and as usual i just returned to the habit as strongly as ever …
How come it’s so easy to keep the bad habits up, and difficult to keep the good ones. How come we don’t mind going through whatever difficulty it is that we have to go through for the sake of bad habits … while refraining from exerting the smallest of efforts for the sake of something good?
Am I rightfully generalizing or is it just my case?

Anyways .. as usual, i decided i wanted to quit last night … so far i haven’t had cigarettes today but then again i didn’t go out yet… I also decided to get on the treadmill for a change (oh did i ever mention the lazy me has a treadmill in the house?) … i put on some music, Nine Inch Nails new album that Gadfri generously sent me, and off i went. 4 tracks into the album i just found me being described … so i put the track on repeat for the 40 minutes i walked on the treadmill … i also have to recommend it for anyone on a treadmill, it’s tempo is really fun to match 🙂 … and i didn’t end up listening to anything else from the album … yet 😀

so ladies and gents … i recommend to you my song for the day and it’s called “Discipline” by Nine Inch Nails, from their album “The Slip”

oh you can get it from here btw: http://www.zshare.net/audio/12352370cbbf3215/

and if u wanna receive my periodic songs of the day or share yours, you can still join me on my music group at: http://launch.groups.yahoo.com/group/haijekov_sotd/

Wish you all the strength to get rid of your bad habits … and to sustain your good ones …

kov 🙂

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DORGH!!!!

May 19, 2008

my exam is tomorrow … i’m way behind … waaay behind … i pass out while studying and waste a good two hours … i wake up and decide i’m gonna kidnap a friend and study outside because if i stay home i’ll sleep … i go ti him and once i arrive, my car breaks down … and noone seems to answer their freaking phone anymore in real times of need …. DORGH!!!!!!!